THE WHOLESOME FERTILITY PODCAST
EP 312 A Holistic Approach to Fertility | Sonia Ribas
On today’s episode of The Wholesome Fertility Podcast, Sonia Ribas @soniaribascoach shares her journey from a marketing executive to a fertility coach, emphasizing the importance of holistic approaches to fertility. She discusses common challenges faced by individuals trying to conceive, the often unnecessary reliance on IVF, and the critical role of personalized treatment plans. Sonia highlights the impact of oxidative stress on fertility and the significance of mindfulness and community support in the fertility journey. Her insights aim to empower individuals and couples navigating the complexities of fertility.
Takeaways
Sonia transitioned from a marketing executive to a fertility coach after discovering her passion for holistic health.
Many individuals seek help too late in their fertility journey, often after failed IVF attempts.
Statistically, 50% of IVF cases may not be necessary, highlighting the need for proper preparation.
A holistic approach to fertility considers physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual factors.
Oxidative stress negatively impacts egg and sperm quality, making lifestyle changes essential.
Personalization in treatment is crucial; what works for one person may not work for another.
Mindfulness practices can help manage stress, which can be harmful to fertility health.
Community support is vital; many women feel isolated in their fertility struggles.
Education and actionable steps are key components of effective fertility coaching.
Guest Bio:
Sonia Ribas, MBA, HHC, RYT
Sonia is a sought-after LA based Fertility Coach and a Mom of 3. In her last 15+ years, she has successfully coached thousands of couples struggling to conceive. Her highly personalized, transformational and integrative lifestyle-based approach, which covers everything from nutrition to wellbeing, makes her an expert guide in her clients’ path towards Parenthood. She helps couples 1on1, in groups and in collaboration with Fertility Clinics around the world, in order to help patients boost their fertility from every possible angle and maximize their chance of conceiving, both naturally and via IVF.
Besides helping couples conceive healthy babies, she is a wellness educator and extremely passionate about inspiring people around the world to lead healthy lifestyles. She constantly collaborates with International lifestyle media outlets and companies as a consultant, speaker, educator and expert Health Coach.
You can find her at soniaribas.com and on Social Media @soniaribascoach.
For more information about Michelle, visit: www.michelleoravitz.com
The Wholesome FertilityFacebook group is where you can find free resources and support:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2149554308396504/
Instagram: @thewholesomelotusfertility
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thewholesomelotus/
Transcript:
Michelle (00:00)
Welcome to the podcast, Sonia.
Sonia Ribas (00:02)
Thank you so much, Michelle.
Michelle (00:04)
Yes, I would love for you to share your story of how you got into this work that you do.
Sonia Ribas (00:11)
Okay. Yeah, let's go for it. So I always say, sometimes you find things in life. Sometimes things find you. In my case, fertility found me. So in my previous life, as I like to call it, I was marketing executive and director for multinationals. And then I found yoga and I fell in love with hot yoga at the time to the point that I left my job and I went travel the world.
and I created one of the first online yoga studios in the world. And as I was doing that, yeah. And I was, was doing that occasionally. I was also teaching private sessions and, I was living in Boston at that time and I had a client who was originally from India and she was my yoga student and she was great. And then she was relocated back to India. And then she called me and she said,
Michelle (00:45)
cool.
Sonia Ribas (01:06)
Hey, my OBGYN says I'm not going to be able to have children and I'm devastated. And I was like, wow. And she said, you're the only person I trust. And I was like, well, wait a second. Like I'm not a fertility person, you know? Like I'm into healthy lifestyle. I'm a yoga instructor. I know a thing or two about these things because I follow it, but not fertility. And she said, Sonia, you're the only person I trust. So.
Michelle (01:32)
Wow.
Sonia Ribas (01:33)
This is 15 years ago. So I teamed up with my mother, who's a traditional Chinese doctor in Spain. And we teamed up together and we put together a holistic program. That was the very, very first version of what I do today. And, you know, we created meditation videos, yoga videos, lots of herbs, supplements, diet, lots of mindset tools and things like that. Things that we were coming up with. And I did a lot of research as well.
to understand, you know, I'm a research nerd, so to understand what works, what's proven, et cetera. So we created the first version for her and her labs improved a lot and she got pregnant naturally. So her OBGYN in India started referring people my way.
Michelle (02:16)
All right.
Sonia Ribas (02:22)
So yeah, the rest is history. So I started informally doing fertility coaching without being certified. My mom was helping me, but at some point my mom said, you know, I have a full practice in Spain. I think it's time for you to go on your own. So this was 15 years ago. So obviously fast forward, I got certified. I became a health coach and I got a lot of certificates in medicine and women's health and a lot more. And then
I started practicing fertility coaching 15 years ago, then I had three kids of my own. So I perfected my method with obviously my own experience. And yeah, by now we've helped make more than a thousand babies.
Michelle (03:08)
Amazing, that's incredible. So cool.
So what are some of the common things that you see when people come to you for fertility? Like some of the common stories that people share on their journey I know that's a big question, but whatever comes first.
Sonia Ribas (03:27)
Totally. So what I wish I would see, first I'm going to tell you what I wish and then the reality is, because sometimes it helps understand what I wish I would see is I wish I would see more people come earlier. So I always use the analogy of a wedding, know, the same way as you prepare for a wedding. And if you think I'm going to get married, you don't just show up in your sweatpants at your wedding, right? You prepare, you get a dress, you prepare a set, you know, you get the whole thing going.
Michelle (03:41)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Sonia Ribas (03:57)
I wish it would be the same for having a baby because there's a lot of things that we would prepare in advance. There wouldn't be so many headaches and so many heartaches. Now, the reality is that I see people when they're on the desperate side, when they've been trying for a while and it has the journeys longer than they anticipated or when they've been told IBF is their only option.
Michelle (04:14)
Mm-hmm.
Sonia Ribas (04:23)
or even worse when they've tried IVF or IUI and it didn't work and then they come to me as a better alternative, more empowered version to get pregnant.
Michelle (04:35)
And you say you had mentioned that you think that many times in many cases, people don't really need IVF. What has your experience been with that?
Sonia Ribas (04:46)
So statistically, 50 % of IVF cases are not needed. So that right there tells you what happens, right? So a lot of people are thrown into IVF because that's the nature of the Western medical approach to fertility. In some cases, it works. In many cases, it doesn't work. And when it doesn't work, most of the times it's because the person was unprepared or the couple was unprepared or because it was not needed.
So I always say, I always use the analogy of a car. So if your car doesn't work, what do you do? You take it to the mechanic and the mechanic tries to jumpstart the battery. So that's IVF. IVF is jumpstarting your system. You might or might not be ready for it. It might or it might not work, but the process is very expensive, very invasive, and it has side effects potentially for the rest of your life. So it's not something to take lightly.
Michelle (05:19)
Mm-hmm.
Sonia Ribas (05:42)
It's not like, hey, I'm going to get my whatever. It's not like I'm going to get my teeth cleaned. No, it's an invasive thing. So what I say is going back to the analogy of the car, if your car doesn't work, you can take it to the mechanic, you can open the motor and have a look. Clean whatever needs to be cleaned, repair whatever needs to be repaired so that when you try to switch it on, it will switch on without being jump-started. It will switch on natural.
So this is what we do here. And I always say to people, hey, if down the line, it hasn't happened naturally and you want to continue trying IVF, by that time you'll be ready. Look, I always go back to statistics. IVF without preparation is about a 20 % success rate. IVF with the proper preparation and optimizing your system is an 85 % success rate. So if you're going to throw yourself into this process,
At least prepare yourself so you can optimize your chances of success.
Michelle (06:46)
And what are some of the things that you see that people need when they come to you? Like, What are some of the more common things that you see?
Sonia Ribas (06:56)
So we here, we leave no stone unturned because everybody needs a combination of factors and everybody is really different. So for some people, it's more the physical side. For other people, it's more the mental, the past traumas, the blockages, the limiting beliefs energetically. So we leave no stone unturned. We cover everything from the physical layer, the mental, the emotional, the energetic, and the spiritual layer. So we have a holistic approach.
to fertility, which I love your podcast is wholesome because we use that word all the time as well.
Michelle (07:31)
Yes, for sure. mean, there's so many different layers. Some of the things that I personally see is a lot of people are given diagnosis and I guess in the journey, it's very easy to get a lot of limiting labels thrown at you. And I really say thrown at you. mean, I was one of them. had my own issues with my menstrual cycle.
growing up, but not realizing that I had other option. And I think that a lot of times is that people don't realize that they have options and they don't realize or aren't really told along the way, unless they find the right person, that there are alternatives and things that they could do to improve their state. I think that that was, that's the biggest hurdle is just really not even knowing anything else exists.
Sonia Ribas (08:25)
Absolutely. Yeah, so a lot of the things we do is education because people obviously you don't know and people go to Dr. Google, which is probably the last thing you should be doing because it's nerve-wracking. So we do a lot of education, but we step a lot into action. We're very, very action and results oriented. I always say to my clients, we are here for transformation. And if we are here for transformation, we need to combine information,
plus action. So everything we offer here is very, very action oriented, whether it's on the diet side and we roll up our sleeves and we create personalized diets for our clients. But also, for example, on the movement side, we give them a lot of tools. Like it's not just, go move and go exercise, but we give them a lot of exercise videos, yoga videos, strength training, like all the tools they can actually go and implement with real actionables.
Michelle (09:24)
And when you talked about percentage of improvement for IVF, if you're prepared versus not prepared, is that anything specific to your work or something that you've seen? How do you base that?
Sonia Ribas (09:38)
No. Yeah. So that's kind of like statistics that we draw in our practice. mean, the fact that IVF is around a 20 % success rate is known. That's not something that I've decided. That's something that's published. Obviously, it depends on the age brackets and all that, but we can call it an average. And then what I see is I have a lot of people who've tried IVF, and they come my way after a number of failed rounds of IVF.
Michelle (09:43)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Sonia Ribas (10:06)
And then we can draw statistics of like, from these people, how many people then have a successful IVF after? And it's about 85%.
Michelle (10:13)
Yeah, that's awesome. it's good to know. I'm curious because I'm a little bit of a numbers nerd myself and I like to kind of get like data and I hearing just things even with like studies and so kind of jogged my curiosity. That's awesome and I agree. I do Chinese medicine. I also do fertility coaching, but ultimately,
Sonia Ribas (10:19)
Me too.
Michelle (10:35)
when you do make these changes in your lifestyle, you really can optimize a lot of your wellbeing, but it's almost like you're the way I see it is you're triggering an anti-aging because that's really what fertility is. It's kind of like anti-aging treatment. If you think about it, it's the same thing. It's just really optimizing your health, optimizing your mitochondria and your body's energy so that it's able to
Sonia Ribas (10:52)
Right? Yes.
Michelle (11:02)
produce, reproduce, but that's ultimately like turning back the clock, which we can actually do. something that you can actually do with lifestyle, which is why I find it so empowering in general. I find that a lot of people also feel that it's not just empowering for conceiving, but it's empowering as they get older as well.
Sonia Ribas (11:12)
Yes.
Yes, yes, exactly. So what we do here is reverse the effects of oxidative stress. So as you say, it's kind of like the anti-aging version of fertility.
Michelle (11:36)
And what are some of the things that you find or some of the ways you approach that just for people listening that are curious, like, cause some people know, you know, that that can impact equality as we age, oxidative stress gets higher, but some people might not, you know, it might be like new terms if they're just listening to this now and they're first starting this journey. so let's kind of break it down for the listeners if they're hearing this and why it's so impactful for
not just egg quality, but for sperm quality as well.
Sonia Ribas (12:09)
Yes, there's a massive difference though. obviously as you age, oxidative stress happens. It's the byproduct of being alive. It's funny because my dad always said, you know, when my dad drinks or something and I say, hey, dad, this kills you. He says, you know what? Living kills me. Being alive means that you are subject to the process of oxidative stress. Everybody's subject to that. Now there's a difference between egg and sperm. Eggs,
Michelle (12:27)
Mm-hmm.
Sonia Ribas (12:38)
You are born with your set of eggs. I cannot take out your eggs and replace them. They are there. We can do a lot of things to optimize their functioning, optimize their quality. As you said, optimize the mitochondria and make them fitter and stronger and better working, but they're the same. Now, sperm on the other side is regenerated all the time. The sperm that's ejaculated today is not the sperm that will be ejaculated tomorrow or in three weeks.
That's why it's a lot easier. In my experience, it's a lot easier to improve sperm quality than egg quality. But we can work on both and we definitely have great success on both. But every time that I get a couple that have a combination of factors, I always look at the male and I say, okay, you're on the lucky side. If you do this program, I can guarantee for sure that your sperm will improve no matter what.
Michelle (13:39)
So let's talk about the egg quality and how oxidative stress impacts the egg quality and like what people can do, generally speaking to improve their quality of eggs.
Sonia Ribas (13:44)
Okay, yeah.
Okay, great. So how it impacts egg quality is, well, it's in a number of ways, but primarily two very strong ways. One of them is genetically. It affects the DNA structure of your cells, including the DNA structure of your eggs. So when your eggs produce embryos, it might be that the embryos are genetically not normal. So that's when we see genetic things happen, even not viable.
So that's one thing that happened. The other thing that is very visible that happens is that the mitochondria, which is the energy factories of the cells, get affected. So they're not as strong. This is why we recommend supplements like CoQ10, for example, to boost the functioning of the mitochondria. Now, what do we do holistically in this program to optimize that quality? It's one of my favorite topics in the world. Thanks for asking me that. So it's a holistic approach.
We boost fertility, we boost equality from every possible angle, everything lifestyle-based and everything is research-based here. So everything we offer here has been proven at some point by research papers. So we work on 15 factors. So my program is 15 modules plus a bonus module, that's male factor. So for 15 modules, we deep dive into 15 areas of your lifestyle.
that need to be optimized because they're strictly related to fertility. So if you optimize those areas of your lifestyle, you are boosting your fertility and your egg quality no matter what. And those are, there's a physical layer, there's a mental layer, emotional layer, energetic layer, and spiritual layer. So we combine things like diet, hydration, supplements, weight management, movement. We talk about inner dialogue, emotions.
cortisol, stress, everything that happens related to your stress hormones, sleep patterns, circadian rhythms, your relationships, your toxic relationships, your conflict, your libido, your sex drive, your relationship, your connection to your partner, environmental toxins, empowerment, your connection to your inner power, limiting beliefs, empowering self-affirmations, meditations, cycle syncing. also do
sit cycling, and then connecting to your group. So I think it's very important. And that's something we never talk about, which is like, can throw a lot of things at you. But if we don't find your version of what I'm talking about, it's not going to work. So that's why it's very important, the concept of bio-individuality, which means a person's food is another person's poison. Right?
Michelle (16:34)
Yeah, it's true.
100%.
Sonia Ribas (16:45)
Everything needs to be personalized to you because we are here to deliver results for you, not for your neighbor. So what works for your neighbor and your cousin might be very different. Some people have night shifts. Some people have preferences on food. Some people have cravings. Some people turn to different things to deal with emotions. Some people have past trauma, most of us. Like all of this is very, very personal. So what I'm very fascinated about and obsessed about is
Michelle (16:53)
my god, so true.
Sonia Ribas (17:15)
How do we go in the trenches with our clients? How do we help them land all the recommendations into their real life so that we can truly move the needle for them?
Michelle (17:28)
Yeah, I love that. It's so true because that is something that I often see is, especially when they first come to us because they're like, you know, my best friend, she also struggled with fertility. She tried this herb and it helped her. And I wanted to try it too, or somebody else tried DHEA, which is a hormone and I want to try it too. And it is a hormone and it is something that I always recommend never take anything like that.
unless you get tested and see what's going on in your body. Because for one person, it could be amazing. It could be a game changer. But if your body has a completely different makeup and imbalance of hormones, it can actually be detrimental. So I'm really glad that you brought that up because everybody's so unique. literally are like, our bodies are like fingerprints. And I love that saying one man's food is another man's poison. It's 100 % true.
Like somebody can thrive, actually dairy has been shown to help with many women who are trying to conceive full fat. It's been shown in studies. I'm also a nerd with that. Like I love that because it's true. Like then you could see, okay, for the majority, yeah, it can actually be really beneficial. However, if you have a dairy sensitivity or an allergy or it causes more inflammation, or as in Chinese medicine, we look at like dampness.
which is an element, I'm sure your mom has taught you about that. Then if that's the case, that would not be great for that particular person. it's so important for people to realize that, yes, you listen to podcasts and you read about it and you go down like Dr. Google, as you said, and you can learn a lot of things. However, your body is so unique and your body needs a customized plan.
Sonia Ribas (19:03)
Thanks.
Yes, absolutely. And even a step further, your body today is different than your body in two weeks because you are a woman and you are in the waves of your menstrual cycle. So if you're ovulating today, you'll feel strong, you'll feel energetic, you'll feel social. And in two weeks, as you're about to menstruate, you'll feel like a completely different person.
Michelle (19:33)
Yes, that's true.
Sonia Ribas (19:52)
And that's something I like to talk about because I get a lot of men kind of like asking me how true this is, how is PMS real? Is she making it up? you know, they just, because they're flat, they don't understand the fluctuations of hormones. And I do a lot of education on that, on cycle syncing, how this is real and how life is a lot easier if you serve the waves of your cycle.
instead of fighting it or instead of just acting as if it doesn't exist.
Michelle (20:24)
Totally. I call that just kind of personal flow. In Chinese medicine, we do a lot of like physical flow with the meridians and our qi. But when we have flow in our life, that's really what it looks like. It's really understanding, not fighting, kind of going with that, riding those waves. So yeah, I totally agree.
Awesome. And so what are some of the, love talking also about the mind and how stress can impact our bodies. I understand this from a Chinese medicine perspective. I also, we know that when we're in fight or flight, basically the energy rich blood rich areas are going to be our arms and legs or limbs so that we can either fight or run. And it takes it away from our vital organs and including the uterus. So
let's talk about that. Let's talk about how stress can impact fertility and why it's so important to address that aspect of ourselves.
Sonia Ribas (21:27)
Okay. I love, this is one of my favorite topics. So when it comes to stress, I always say there's two kinds of stress. There's useful stress and there's chronic stress, which is not useful. So stress is a natural response and it's actually very useful response to danger and to situations in life that need for you to be pumped with certain hormones called disall adrenaline to react.
Like if there's a lion about to chase me, I need to experience stress so that I can react and save my life, right? I need to run or hide or something, right? So that's useful. And in certain situations in life, that's very useful. Now we have in our modern society normalized a stressful feeling to the point that because we have deadlines, have infertility problems, we have a lot of things going on.
Our body is constantly in alert as if a lion's about to chase me every five minutes. So that's called chronic stress and that is highly inflammatory. So if you feel you're having that, which you probably are because we pretty much all have that, you need to find ways to release that cortisol. You know, because otherwise we have what we call a cortisol intoxication or a cortisol overload.
And cortisol is highly inflammatory, even excess. So you need to find ways to release it. And this is where we step into action. So for me, for example, I need to go workout to release stress. If I don't move, I can meditate and things like that, but it's not going to be the same as sweating it out. So I do hot yoga. Hot yoga is my thing. Right. For other people, it's different, you know, there's a lot of different ways. So.
Michelle (23:10)
I love hot yoga. Yeah.
Sonia Ribas (23:19)
If workout works for you, great. Meditation also works for a lot of people. And if you're not meditating, I get a lot of people tell me, that's not for me. Give it a chance because meditation does not need to be a full hour in Tibet. It can be 10 minutes, five minutes sitting on your bed and just like focus on your breath, diaphragmatic breathing. As you inhale, expand your belly.
As you exhale, you contract your belly and you connect to your breath. And that in itself sends your brain signal of, am safe. And you can activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which is the rest and digest. And that's where your reproductive function thrives. If, however, you're activating your sympathetic nervous system, which is your fight or flight, then your reproductive function won't be favorized.
Michelle (24:05)
Yes.
Sonia Ribas (24:13)
because your body will only favorize the functions that are essential for survival.
Michelle (24:19)
Absolutely.
Sonia Ribas (24:20)
So another way that I always tell people to activate your parasympathetic nervous system, so to release stress, is hugging. Hugging, a long hug, also does that. Also sends that signal to your brain of, am safe, I escaped the lion, everything's good. So that also works really well. And also hot and cold therapy.
So if you're stressed and you're like, my God, I don't know what to do with myself, go take a cold shower or a hot shower or combine both or take ice water or make yourself a hot tea. Like hot and cold therapy are very good as a way to release cortisol as well.
Michelle (25:06)
Interesting. Yeah. mean, there's the cold plunges. There's I'm trying to look into that as far as fertility goes. Possibly might be good for men, but I'm not sure about women quite yet. Trying to do the research on that, but I do agree. Maybe it's kind of like that initial kind of shift from one state to another that sort of breaks up the stagnation.
Sonia Ribas (25:29)
Yeah, it's the shocker. I knew you're going to say that because obviously in the traditional Chinese medicine, we don't want to be cold. And I grew up this way. You always want to be on the warmer side. I remember when my mom did her internship in Beijing, it was super hot, like 110 degrees. And everybody was drinking hot tea 24-7. And she was calling me like, I don't know if I can do this, like, hot tea.
Michelle (25:31)
It's a shock, yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
Sonia Ribas (26:00)
But yeah, I know very well that that's a tradition. I grew up with that. And for me, cold water is a problem too. But what I do is I shock my system and I do hot, cold, hot, cold, and I always end with hot because I cannot walk out of my shower feeling cold. But I do think shocker.
Michelle (26:17)
Yes, and also the shower is not as extreme as some of these cold plunges.
Sonia Ribas (26:22)
That's true. That's true. Yeah, I do think the combination though is very, very interesting. But as we said, hey, bio individual.
Michelle (26:28)
Right. It's like the yin and yang. We're kind of forcing a yin and yang balance in some way. Yeah.
Sonia Ribas (26:33)
Exactly. Yeah. And also, you know, try it out. Like I always say to people, don't take my word for anything. Everything we talk about, try it out for yourself and see it in your own body, how it feels. Find your own version.
Michelle (26:44)
Yeah, that's right. Totally. And I think that our bodies are just so intelligent and we're made of this intelligence and it always speaks to us. It speaks to us with food. It will guide you if you're really connecting with it, which is why I love meditation so much because it really brings us an awareness to that communication. It bridges, it almost like builds this neuron, this connection between us and our bodies.
that maybe we've ignored for so long and sort of forgot really was there. That's why I love mindfulness. But also what I love about really becoming mindful and meditation is it teaches us to become aware of our body. we can catch ourselves if we're getting too stressed out about certain things, we can catch ourselves and realize, hey, I'm not actually in danger right now.
and of realize that, and that mindfulness is what is kind of on guard to check, you know, your situation.
Sonia Ribas (27:50)
Absolutely. I love that you're saying that. I love mindfulness. In my program, we call it heartfulness, actually, because it's all the mindfulness principles of being aware of what you're doing, of your surroundings, being very much there. But I call it heartfulness because I like to shift the focus from here, because we spend so much time here, to here. How does it feel? How does it feel to be here now?
Michelle (27:56)
Ooh, I love that.
Yes.
Sonia Ribas (28:19)
Okay, you're noticing everything, mindfulness and the added touch of the heart, the feeling, the savoring. I feel we need more savoring and we need to be more connected to that concept of savoring in life. And that's one of the things that I preach all the time.
Michelle (28:38)
I love that because it's almost like bringing romance back into life, right? Cause it's like those moments, just savoring those moments and bringing more romance, which really, does that do? It's like infusing meaning into the moment. And there's more meaning, there's more richness. And if you think about just kind of how we used to live, I think of like, I don't know, a street in Paris where people are just sitting a lot longer to talk and eat and take their time and really tasting everything.
Sonia Ribas (28:42)
I love that. Yeah, totally.
Michelle (29:05)
I think that when you're doing that, you're really infusing kind of that chi life force energy into your moments in life, which ultimately I think impact your body.
Sonia Ribas (29:16)
Yes, and fertility is about that. Fertility, a concept for me of fertility, the essence of boosting fertility is adding that boost of life into your life. More grace, more flow, more enjoying, more savoring, more being here, more embracing, empowering yourself.
Michelle (29:29)
I love that.
Yeah, I love that. That's so true. mean, really, ultimately that's it's just a richness. It's kind of like living in an energy rich state, which ultimately, mean, that's it's kind of like just energy being really efficient and thriving through your body. And that's when your cup overflows, you're able to bring more life forth. And that's yeah. Also, I think that also when you're working in this work,
You start to see patterns and you start to see how clearly what's crazy about it is that in order to reproduce, we need all this energy, but like the fertility journey on its own can be so taxing and draining, which is why it's important to have somebody who understands it to guide you and to help you with that ultimately. And, or even a community or friends or connecting with others going through it, because I think that helps as well.
having that sense of support.
Sonia Ribas (30:37)
Absolutely. Absolutely. You don't need to go through this alone. I think that some things in life are meant for you to do alone, some things are not. And fertility is definitely not one of them. I am always shocked when I read statistics that about 63 % of women with fertility problems never talk about it with anyone. It totally breaks my heart.
Michelle (30:47)
Yeah.
That's sad. Yeah. see it too. mean, people, when they first come to my office, they're like, they feel so relieved. They're like, I can't really talk about this. Even with my husband sometimes, I'll say.
Sonia Ribas (31:09)
Totally. Yeah, totally. They're so scared of ruining their marriage if they talk about it. And in my program, we combine private coaching with group coaching. And I have a lot of people at the beginning of the program who are unsure about the group coaching at the beginning. And they're like, I'm not sure, you know, it's kind of private. Then they give it a go. And then by the end of the program, when they give me feedbacks, I always ask for feedback at the end. They say, my God, the group sessions were the best. It's a group.
They call it a mouth hug. And feeling seen, feeling validated by women who are in the same season in life is so, so therapeutic.
Michelle (31:39)
Yes. Yeah.
my God, yes, I've seen the same thing and I've seen people in the programs connecting and having lifelong relationships because afterwards I'll find out they're still in touch and it's amazing. Yeah, it's really, and I think that also we're meant to meet the right people at the right time, even people going through the same journey and they become really like lifelong friends.
Sonia Ribas (31:59)
I think.
Exactly, exactly. Those people were meant to cross paths and to continue some journeys together. Absolutely.
Michelle (32:19)
Yes, awesome. So if somebody's hearing this, is there like a word or a sentence or some kind of inspiring tip that you can provide? Somebody's going through it right now, going through the fertility journey and obviously going through the struggles that we all know are very real.
Sonia Ribas (32:37)
Yes. So I think that my summary for today is you don't need to do this alone, especially this week. I'm very sensitive to this because I've seen a lot of people who have chosen to do this on their own and to continue struggling on their own. it totally breaks my heart. So in terms of your chances of success, in terms of how enjoyable this will be in terms of your own journey and your own experience, don't you ever think you need to do this alone? You know, there's help out there that can make it so much better for you.
and embrace it.
Michelle (33:10)
Awesome. And so if people are hearing this and they want to find out more about you, how can they find you?
Sonia Ribas (33:16)
Okay. So the two ways, easier ways to find me is my website, sonyarebus.com and my Instagram page, which is Sonia rebus coach.
Michelle (33:27)
Awesome. So Sonia, thank you so much for coming on. I have all your information on the episode notes if anybody wants to find it. And this is a great conversation. I love that you're really into empowering couples. And ultimately, I think that that is so needed in this world. So thank you so much for coming on today.
Sonia Ribas (33:50)
Thanks for having me, Michelle.
EP 294 Does Our Relationship with Our Bodies Impact Fertility | Kathryn Bregman
Kathryn Bregman Ed.S. struggled for years to become pregnant. She tried every diet, lotion and potion she could find. She endured two rounds of failed egg retrievals until she realized her body was pristine, but her mind did not feel balanced. She was suffering from stress and information overload. She was exhausted, defeated and depressed. Even though she was already in therapy, Kathryn hired a fertility mindset coach, which changed everything. Within 6 months she got pregnant naturally and gave birth to a healthy baby girl at 40. After that, Kathryn made it her mission to spread the word of what she learned to completely transform her outcome. Today she is a Certified Life Coach and a Certified Miracle Minded Master Coach. She's also the only fertility coach in the world who trained directly under Marianne Williamson learning exclusive and cutting-edge coaching techniques. She works with private clients across the globe and runs online group programs where women find the authentic support that they need to become the moms they are meant to be.
You can find out more about Kathryn at: www.badassfertility.com
Instagram: @BadassFertility
Free ebook: https://badassfertility.com/fb-ad-habits/
For more information about Michelle, visit: www.michelleoravitz.com
The Wholesome FertilityFacebook group is where you can find free resources and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2149554308396504/
Instagram: @thewholesomelotusfertility
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thewholesomelotus/
Transcript:
Michelle (00:00)
Welcome to the podcast, Catherine.
Kathryn Bregman (00:02)
Hi, thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here. It's an honor to be on your show and speak with you today.
Michelle (00:10)
I'm so happy you're here as well, Catherine, and I'd love for you to share your inspiring story and how you got to do this work.
Kathryn Bregman (00:13)
Thank you.
Absolutely, I would love to share I became inspired to be a fertility coach and work with women who are on the journey to their babies because when I was struggling to become pregnant with my daughter, who I had at 40, after struggling for about four years to conceive, after being advised to use donor different things like that, I realized that a huge, part of my struggle in my journey was, well, there were physical things that I'll talk about in a moment. There was a lot going on in my head space that was a huge block for me because when I first started trying to conceive with my husband, I was 36. We got married, you know, 36, and I was like, already felt behind, you know, was super concerned about.
whether or not we'd be able to conceive. I'd always had like heavy periods, but never been diagnosed with anything in particular. So I felt like nervous and a little wary. And after about trying for just two months or so, we decided to use an ovulation kit. We used an ovulation kit and I got pregnant right away. And I remember thinking, my God, why do people struggle to conceive? Just use an ovulation kit.
Michelle (01:33)
Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (01:41)
Like it's so simple, hello, right? And then a couple of weeks later, we lost that pregnancy. And I did not get pregnant again for several years, no matter how hard I tried, no matter what we did. And I'll talk kind of briefly about that as And so it was like a famous last words kind of a And...
So after trying for about another year, you know, we did acupuncture, which I love. I'm a huge fan of acupuncture, a huge fan of herbs. I think it was really integral on my journey, but there was more blocking me that I had to get through, right? And so after about a year of trying, you know, naturally and using acupuncture, we were advised to do IVF. And when we went to do IVF, I got like a laundry list of physical ailments that...
were in my way, including a lot of stuff that I'm sure from a traditional Chinese medicine perspective, you would say is like inflammation and gut health, right? But at that point in time, I didn't know that. I just knew like, you have elevated natural killer cells, you have endometriosis, you're pre -diabetic, even though I considered myself like very healthy, very healthy eater, exercised, all those things. It was like I didn't have the right quote unquote health for fertility, right? And so,
Michelle (03:01)
Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (03:02)
We were advised to go straight to IVF and we did two rounds of egg retrievals. retrieved about three embryos in each, but none of them came back genetically normal after we did genetic testing. So I was pretty devastated at that point, as you can imagine, as anyone who's been on this journey can imagine. We'd been trying at that point for about two years and...
Michelle (03:17)
Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (03:27)
I was really, I'm like gonna cry talking about this, because I don't usually go into the details, you know, but I was just so lost and filled with shame, fear, self -loathing, you know, you name it. And I started realizing that it was like my mind was a part of the problem. And at that point, I actually started working with a coach who helped me see.
Michelle (03:50)
Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (03:54)
how mindset was impacting my perception of my entire situation. And I learned to stop being so obsessed with time and stop feeling like I had to rush, rush, rush and like jump into the next egg retrieval and keep going. Because at that point, I think I was probably like 38 getting close to 39. And if you're in the Western medical world, they're like, the clock is ticking every month is gonna decrease your odds.
Michelle (03:59)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (04:22)
And so I was really had to step back from that mentality and really start to own what was my truth, right? And so I started to look at, okay, what are the things that I have not addressed? Because I felt like I had addressed everything, right? But after that second egg retrieval, I stepped back and said, okay, one thing I've never really done is I've never really, you know, changed my diet. I think my diet's healthy, but maybe there's something else I can do. I've...
Michelle (04:22)
Yeah.
Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (04:51)
exercise but I do yoga and Pilates and I was advised to do like more high intensity stuff. So I started shifting you know my diet to what would be considered like a more fertility friendly diet. I started finding the reserves within myself to do things that I didn't feel like I could have done before because my mind was in a place to be willing to go there. You know so for me like it really all started in my mind and then I'm gonna wrap up the story because I know we have a lot more.
to talk about, but I want to share that the linchpin for me was I discovered a physical therapy called Wern and it is like an, yeah, it's an external like massage technique almost, but not relaxing, very intense where they go in and they externally break down the abdominal, the tissues in your abdomen that for me were binding my fallopian tubes. And I'd been advised by my clinic, you don't,
Michelle (05:29)
Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (05:48)
you know, don't do that, it's just a scam, was basically what they said. But in my gut, which...
Michelle (05:50)
Mm -hmm. Yeah. Even though it has research, I know exactly which one you're talking about. They have research, actual papers. Yep.
Kathryn Bregman (05:55)
Yes, yes, it has published. Thank you. It has published medical research. It, you know, and I just instinctively was like, this feels right for me. This feels like part of what's my issue and I want to do it. And because I've been working on my mindset and I was like really practicing, trusting my gut, I was like, I'm doing it. You know, and I remember saying to my husband when we left our IVF clinic, when the doctor had said like, it's a waste of your money. Meanwhile, it's like, you know, an eighth of the price of IVF.
I said to my husband, I was like, I don't care what he says, we're doing it. And that was like a real stance for me. Like I really, you know, stood for something that up until that point, I had been kind of like acquiescing to the experts, you know, like you tell me what to do, you tell me what to do. And finally, I was finding my voice and doing what I felt I needed to do. And I went and I worked with an amazing woman, Susan Winograd.
Michelle (06:27)
Yeah. Yes.
Kathryn Bregman (06:49)
And she, we did this thing at six days, five days, five days, six hours a day of this physical therapy. And the very next cycle, I was pregnant naturally.
Michelle (07:01)
Was that the Wern are you talking about or? Okay.
Kathryn Bregman (07:01)
Yeah, so it's called WURN, it's W -U -R -N, and there's another word for it as clear passage, there you go, yeah, yeah.
Michelle (07:09)
Clear passage. Yeah, yeah. No, I knew clear passage. so Susan was the lady that worked on you.
Kathryn Bregman (07:15)
She was the lady who worked on me, Susan Winograd, and she actually, she works in women's pelvic health. She has a podcast called Pelvicore, and she's an amazing, amazing healer, and she and I worked closely together. It's like, that's it. I was her patient for the week. I went there every day from eight to two or whatever it was, and she did this stuff, and it was very intensive, and it released emotions too. So it wasn't just physical. Yeah, but like -
Michelle (07:18)
Okay. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Right, I've heard that.
Kathryn Bregman (07:45)
childhood memories came back, like trauma came up and things that had been in my body that were literal physical and emotional blocks to my flourishing pelvic And again, for me, like you could say, if only I had done that three years ago, I could have gotten pregnant so much faster. But the truth is I had to be in the right place in my mind in order to even be willing to go there, to do that thing, to...
Michelle (08:09)
Yeah. Right.
Kathryn Bregman (08:14)
get into it as deeply as I did. And so for me, and what I find with the women I work with, you know, it all starts in this willingness to start to see things differently and to understand your journey, you know, as an opportunity to like release old trauma, learn ways that your body wants to flourish and be healthy and not see that as a punishment, but a gift,
Michelle (08:26)
Right. happening for you versus happening to you.
Kathryn Bregman (08:41)
Exactly, exactly, which is like so antithetical to what anybody wants to like think or feel, you know, when they're going through it. But when you start to make that shift, it's empowering. And that's what it was for me. So I got pregnant naturally. I had my daughter right like three days before I turned 40. And...
Michelle (08:48)
Yeah.
Kathryn Bregman (09:02)
I never went back for my third egg retrieval.
Michelle (09:04)
Yeah, that's amazing. That sounds incredible. And I want to go back to when you were going through it, you know, because a lot of people go through the different phases, just like you said, people need to be ready to know that they want like something different. And so when you were in it, when you were like really in it, like knee deep thick, you know, what were the things that you were telling yourself?
Kathryn Bregman (09:23)
Yes.
Hmm, good question. I was filled with fear that it would never happen. So I would look at my friends who have kids, none of whom had struggled the way that I was struggling, and think, you know, it's not like literally in words I would say they're better than me, but I felt shame.
Michelle (09:49)
Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (10:00)
Like I felt embarrassed. I felt like I didn't want to share what I was going through. Like for the first time, I couldn't be vulnerable with my friends who, you know, I would say up until that point, I had probably told everything that happened in my life. And I just couldn't share it because it was so, you know, for lack of a better word, like embarrassing. Even though now on the other side of it, you know, I can stand here and be like,
Michelle (10:01)
Mm. Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (10:27)
There's nothing to be ashamed of. It's not, you know, it's not embarrassing, but when you're in it as a woman, it's a very different thing than anything I had gone through before.
Michelle (10:32)
Mm -hmm.
Yeah, that makes sense. I mean, it's interesting how we make meaning of it when you're going through it. But even though it's not like based in absolute truth, it's not true. We know that. It still feels true when you're going through it and it still feels like very real.
Kathryn Bregman (10:47)
Yeah.
Yeah, and I think about, you know, up until that point, I never realized how much motherhood defines us in our culture as women, you know, and whether we even want to be moms or don't. Just the idea of making that choice, quote unquote, right? Like that in itself is like putting you in a box. Do you have kids or do you not have kids? What does that say about you as a woman? And I think, you know, I felt...
Michelle (11:10)
Mm -hmm.
Right. Yes.
Kathryn Bregman (11:30)
inferior as a woman. Like I was failing my husband, you know, that I was, you know, I even questioned like, would he be better off with someone who, who was fertile, you know, like, and, and we just, and he's, he's like my soulmate partner, you know? So to question oneself on that level just shows like how deep that like,
Michelle (11:46)
Mm -hmm. Yeah.
Kathryn Bregman (11:58)
yearning for children is and how complicated it becomes when we struggle to make that dream come true emotionally, you know, not just physically.
Michelle (12:09)
Yeah, I hear that a lot. I hear that a lot from my patients and the people I work with is, you know, that's my one job as a woman, like that kind of like that repeated thought pattern. And, really sad to see, you know, people going through that and really like, and even when they're saying that they're like, I know it's not fully true. I know that that's not the truth that I'm not broken. Like they know that, but they still struggle with feeling that.
Kathryn Bregman (12:14)
Yeah. Yeah. Right.
Exactly, exactly. And that's the thing that we really work on in the BFP, which is the group program that I run. We look at the thoughts and the feelings and the actions. And when feelings come up, like I feel inferior, right? What are the thoughts that then come into your mind? And how does that affect what you're willing to do or not willing to do in order to become pregnant?
Michelle (12:50)
Mm -hmm.
Right. Definitely. And so when you were talking about blocks also in your body or blocks emotionally that were impacting your body, did you ever feel or get to this place where you can actually feel that in your body? I'm sure during the clear passage was probably something that awoke in a lot of it to you, but like, were there times where you literally felt it in your body?
Kathryn Bregman (13:32)
felt like when you say that like blocks or like energetic blocks or yeah.
Michelle (13:34)
Yes, like blocks, energetic blocks or emotions. Were you ever able to make the connection of how that felt in your body?
Kathryn Bregman (13:43)
interesting question. I mean, I think that...
I know, like, I don't know if this exactly answers it, but what's kind of coming to mind for me when you say that is I think about my lifelong relationship with my period. And I know that for most of my life, you know, it was heavy and crampy, and I really kind of resented it. You know, I had a very...
Michelle (13:58)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (14:12)
like almost animosity towards my period because it seemed like it would disrupt my life. It would throw me off. You know, I would have always taking like a lot of my doll or whatever to manage it. And, you know, it wasn't until I started trying to become pregnant that I realized that that whole entire that experience is imbalanced, right? And that that wasn't actually necessary. And that, you know, if I'd met someone like you, I could have healed that so much sooner, you know.
Michelle (14:34)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (14:42)
And so even though I don't know if that's really a block, but I know that I feel like that resentment towards my period was also rooted in some other feelings about being a woman, about being a woman and being like as a vulnerable, disempowering experience as opposed to a powerful one. So.
Michelle (14:58)
Mm -hmm. Right. Right.
Kathryn Bregman (15:07)
Those things that are most vital to our experience of our femininity, our ability to procreate, our ability to embrace our sensuality, our ability to, you know, really express our feminine side and use it as a source of power. For me, I was always like, it was always in my way. You know, it was always like a hindrance as opposed to a powerful tool. Yeah.
Michelle (15:12)
Mm -hmm. Mm, yeah.
That's interesting. You know, as you're talking, I'm thinking like it's really, it comes down to our relationship with our body. And it's often something that because it's like anything that's really mindset, I find that it's very hard for people to really wrap their minds around literally. Because it's, it's abstract. And it's something that sort of is in the background and we can't really touch it and feel it. I mean, we can feel it, but
Kathryn Bregman (15:41)
Yeah.
Michelle (16:01)
It's, it's a little bit more abstract in the sense that we have to concentrate to feel it. Because when we're distracted with outside world, we're not going to really become aware of it until something hits us. And they were like, wait, wait, something's off. And that's, I always say that that's your higher intelligence speaking with you. So like symptoms, things that come up, difficulties in life. any kind of resistance really where life resists you or you feel resistance towards life.
And of course it's like every action has the opposite reaction. So you feel like life is doing that to you. And sometimes it's a reflection of, of some kind of inner turmoil that's happening. And so it's kind of like a diagnosis of sorts, you know, obviously this isn't a technical diagnosis. I just want to get a throw. I'm not saying this literally, but like in a sense of, just really coming in and tuning in, like what is happening? Is there disharmony happening within me, within my life?
Kathryn Bregman (16:35)
Yeah. Yeah. Again.
Right. Yeah.
Michelle (16:59)
And that is the great intelligence. And it's actually such an amazing aspect of our life, like our body's symptom, all of those things. It really shows us so much about our inner terrain.
Kathryn Bregman (17:03)
Exactly.
It really does. And I think that, you know, reproduction is one of the most amazing, like, synthesises of the mind and the body. You know, like, it's not like if you have a broken arm, you know, there's like a very obvious problem. But when you're talking about something like fertility, you know, what I found in my experience, and I'm sure you've seen this and I see it with the women I work with, it's like,
Michelle (17:29)
Yeah. Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (17:46)
It's so multi -layered, you know? And for every woman, it's going to have, yeah, like these different components to it based on her own experiences, her own physicality, her own history in every part of herself, her emotional, her physical, her spiritual being, you know? And I think that until I was able to step back and really, like,
Michelle (17:49)
yeah, big time.
Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (18:15)
embrace all of that until I could see it as not just a physical ailment, but as a more like complex representation of me and not be intimidated by that, but like energized by it. You know, then I was able to really like make headway in my journey. And that's what I've seen with so many of the women I work with is like, once you can start to see this as not a punishment, you know, like we're saying, or,
Michelle (18:25)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Yeah.
Kathryn Bregman (18:44)
a problem to be fixed, but rather like you said, symptoms that are showing us what's happening within us and how we can take action to heal ourselves.
Michelle (18:56)
Mm -hmm.
It's interesting because there's so much choice in that. And sometimes we don't feel like we have a choice when we're in these really difficult things, we're like, well, you know, look what's happening. And we feel like we don't have a choice, which is a natural, it's, it's, it's all a progression. But then sometimes when you do actually realize and become aware of your own relationship with what's happening.
Kathryn Bregman (19:02)
Yeah.
Michelle (19:26)
It feels at first like you're admitting defeat.
Kathryn Bregman (19:29)
Yeah.
Michelle (19:30)
but it could be the single most powerful empowering thing you can do.
Kathryn Bregman (19:35)
Exactly, exactly. It's so true. It's so true. And I love that you said that. Like it feels like you're admitting defeat, but it's actually the most empowering thing you can do. And I think that if you just stop at the defeat part, you are defeated, right? But if you can see beyond that and be like, wait, there's so much that's actually there to support my shift.
Michelle (19:54)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (20:04)
then like a whole new world can open up and you know, your fertility can just become boundless.
Michelle (20:12)
Yes. Yeah. I have one specific patient in mind and she has insulin resistance and wants to work on the baby and got a negative pregnancy test. So she was really upset. And so, and it was early on in our working together. And I'm thinking, you know, I wanted to shift sort of the perspective that,
You got to take care of yourself. You got to take care of your body. You got to work on that. Like, yes, baby is a beautiful thing and that's what we want, of course, but it's really about you and taking care of yourself and nourishing yourself and that extra added stress of demanding something from your body when your body is like screaming out for help. You know, so it's kind of like re -shifting. Let's take it one step at a time and like,
Kathryn Bregman (20:45)
Yes. Yes.
Michelle (20:59)
really bring it back to the nurturing that your body's thirsting for. Sometimes it's a little shift in perspective that at first feels like, this isn't exactly what I came for. I came for this, but ultimately it's that shift in perspective that our bodies are trying to communicate with us.
Kathryn Bregman (21:21)
That's so true, it's so true. And I think that that's where, you know, when we can release our like death grip on time, because so often, it doesn't even matter the age. Like I've worked with women who were 28 who were worried about the clock. And I've worked with women who are 43 who are worried about the clock, you know? So it's like, it doesn't even matter what age you are, somehow in our minds we're like, it has to happen, you know, or it's never gonna happen. And that fear is actually, you know,
Michelle (21:29)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yeah.
It's a state of mind. Yes. Yeah.
Kathryn Bregman (21:51)
creating more stress and contributing to perpetuating that state of imbalance, you know, whatever the state of imbalance is within one's body. So I think that, you know, you're right when you're saying like it's about nurturing yourself and supporting whatever is, you know, not functioning optimally because then you're going to get to that place where you can really bring in a baby.
Michelle (21:53)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (22:18)
And that's a mental and physical shift that has to happen because you have to be willing, you know, mentally, emotionally to, and I don't like, whenever I say let go, I feel like people misinterpret that as saying like, don't do anything. Yeah, and it's not, like it's such a.
Michelle (22:18)
Mm -hmm. Yeah.
or don't care. Yeah, right. I totally understand what you're saying.
Kathryn Bregman (22:40)
Yeah, it's like that nuanced understanding, like letting go doesn't even mean no longer trying. It just means like, it's so hard to put in. Yeah, yeah.
Michelle (22:43)
Yes.
Right. Finding flow, it's finding flow. So it's interesting because like, you know, you're on the right path when it feels a little more effortless. And I know it sounds and I think it's the belief that gets in the way, our belief and our conditioning that we cannot get to something that we really want unless we work hard.
Kathryn Bregman (22:59)
Yes! Yes, yes, exactly.
Michelle (23:11)
And that's just a conditioning view. If you recognize that that is just how you've been conditioned to believe, then it's like all of a sudden, my God, I don't have to suffer. And actually, the more peace and the more good you feel, you know you're on the right path.
Kathryn Bregman (23:18)
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly. That is exactly, exactly it. And that conditioning is so interesting because I think, you know, kind of like going back to what we were saying earlier, we have these thoughts and beliefs that we don't really realize we have internalized and that drive a lot of our thinking and decision making. And they really become obvious, I think, on the fertility journey, if you're trying for something and it's not happening. So.
Michelle (23:30)
Yeah. Yes.
Kathryn Bregman (23:56)
that idea that like we have to suffer in order to get what we want is so deeply ingrained in our psyche that we don't even realize we're doing it. You know, like we just think that.
Michelle (24:01)
Yeah. Right. We don't even realize it's not true. Like we don't even question it.
Kathryn Bregman (24:12)
Exactly. Exactly. And if you can't question it or see it, you have no ability to separate from it and step out of it. You know, right. Yeah. So that's I know. I know. I know. And it never ends like, you know, you just it's just like this lifelong practice, you know, and that's also why I think of the fertility journey as a gift, because.
Michelle (24:23)
100%. Yeah. It's pretty wild. Right. It never ends.
Kathryn Bregman (24:40)
it really brings home these principles that are true in so many aspects of our lives and gives you this opportunity to learn them and then use them when you become a mom, and use them going forward. So I think everyone I know who's gone through this and then come out on the other side is always grateful for it. And as much as that's a hard thing to see at the time, I...
Michelle (24:51)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
It is. Yeah. And it's interesting because you hear people like the sort of the argument against it. Well, I didn't ask to like better myself right now. I didn't ask to be put into this situation. And I get that. however, it doesn't necessarily have to do just with a fertility journey. This is the human condition. This is life. And you know what, when we don't bring that awareness, it's going to creep up other places. It just, that's the way it is. It's the nature. Yeah.
Kathryn Bregman (25:15)
Right. Yes. Yes.
Exactly, exactly, exactly. We don't choose our challenges, you know, but we choose how we handle them. We choose how we go through them. We choose how we live through them. And that's can be a very empowering thing.
Michelle (25:39)
Yeah.
Yeah, it can be for sure. And of course, again, like, you know, there's no perfect way to do this either. And I kind of want to throw that out there. Like there's no perfect way. It's just really connecting with yourself. Your higher wisdom is actually customized specifically for you, perfectly for you. And that's what it is, is that there's no perfect standard, but it's your perfect standard, like whatever it is that works for you, that aligns with you. And
Kathryn Bregman (25:57)
Yes.
Michelle (26:17)
you know, connects with your nature.
Kathryn Bregman (26:19)
Absolutely, absolutely. I love hearing you say that. You know, just it resonates for me so much and I love our conversation. I feel like every time I talk to you, I just learn more and it's so grounding. There's something about your presence is just very like soothing. So I think, yeah.
Michelle (26:37)
thank you. Well, I love, I love your input too, because I feel like we're definitely on the same track. And it's just really interesting because, again, it's something that is so, it seems to be kind of behind the scenes. So when you were going through this and you finally said, okay, let me get into my body and like really acknowledge how my mind is working, the thoughts that I'm thinking.
Kathryn Bregman (26:52)
Mm.
Michelle (27:04)
How did you get started? Because I know that when you're in it and you're really in the thick of the emotion, it can be very overwhelming. How do you get to the place where you separate from what you've identified with for so long?
Kathryn Bregman (27:17)
It's a good question. I really, it was a process and I started by really just bringing in more forms of support. So like I had said earlier, I started with acupuncture and herbs and then I moved on and at a certain point I was like, I need to go to therapy. I need to.
Michelle (27:41)
Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (27:44)
Like I started realizing that there were things that had happened in my childhood that could be blocking me. For example, my father passed away when I was two. And yeah, and my whole life I was like, you know, I sort of told the narrative of like, you were too young to be affected by it, right? And so I grew up with this belief, like I was too young to be affected by it. But what I realized was that,
Michelle (27:51)
Mm -hmm. wow. Yeah.
Kathryn Bregman (28:11)
it was playing a role in my fear of conceiving. There was something there about birth and death that was scary to me, and I needed to unpack that. And so going to therapy and looking at just the various relationships in my life and becoming more aware of my physical body too. I went to a somatic therapist and we would do stuff like...
Michelle (28:15)
Mm -hmm. Mm.
Kathryn Bregman (28:38)
you know, this emotion is coming up, where do you feel it inside? And becoming more aware of the signals that my internal self was giving me about how I actually felt about things rather than like the stories I was always telling in my mind, you know, that maybe weren't even true. So really finding more ways to connect with my truth and, you know, seeking out other forms of support. I mean, I was like for sure.
Michelle (28:54)
Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (29:06)
addicted to Dr. Google, you know, like I was constantly like researching whatever I could. And I think that absolutely there were times when that was unhelpful, like Googling, you know, signs of implantation, like 10 times a day for two weeks before my period, every month, knowing that I'd read the same thing over and over again, and knowing that like, I knew it all and I didn't need to do it, but versus...
Michelle (29:08)
Mm -hmm. Yep. Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (29:33)
Googling in a way that was really helpful where I found clear passage, you know and knew instinctively like this is for me, you know, so I feel it Yeah, I feel it and then because I was doing the therapy and I was listening to podcasts and I worked with a coach I actually did therapy and coaching because they're different, you know, like one was about my past and the other was about How do you want to live right now? Who do you want to be going forward?
Michelle (29:39)
Mm -hmm, right. Yeah, you feel it.
Mm -hmm, mm -hmm.
Right.
Kathryn Bregman (30:01)
So, and even as I say this, I'm like, people must be like, this woman is out of her mind. Like, how did she do? Why did she do all these things, you know? But at the end of the day, you've got to. Yes, thank you. You know, because I think that we have to take this opportunity of struggling to conceive and treat it like the opportunity that it is and that it can be and leverage those resources, bring on.
Michelle (30:02)
Yes.
sure everybody's relating though. I feel like everybody's relating to this. Yeah.
Kathryn Bregman (30:31)
board, the experts who know how to help you uncover the blocks, whether they are emotional, rooted in your past, in your body, all of those things combined because really at the end of the day, more and more, I think we find they're all connected. But needing to look at the different entry points to uprooting the blocks, which is going to be different for each person.
So really like doing all of those things in combination with each other over time. And one thing I will say too, about like four or five months before I conceived, my husband and I went to a five days silent meditation retreat, which, my gosh, yeah, I recommend it for everyone. I would love to do it again someday.
Michelle (31:20)
I want to do that so bad.
My husband wouldn't survive though, because he talks so much.
Kathryn Bregman (31:31)
It's like a strange experience as a couple because like you kind of want to communicate but you can't talk, you know, so it's like it's a strange dynamic but it was so good and so powerful and it set the tone for me to start doing like a mindfulness meditation practice every morning for just five minutes and I really found that that five minutes and then over time, you know, my practice has evolved but just that five minutes.
Michelle (31:49)
Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (31:58)
is like the foundation for me of finding that connection to my inner self, setting myself up for the day to respond to that inner voice, to hear it and to trust it. And that was transformational. You know, it gave me like a good foundation in that experience to then carry it on in this small but consistent way.
Michelle (32:03)
Hmm.
Right.
Kathryn Bregman (32:25)
that I think really, I know has had a deep impact then and continues to now.
Michelle (32:30)
I love that you mentioned that because I happen to be a huge fan of meditation and mindfulness. It is the key. And you know what I love about what you just said? It was only five minutes a day. It's just give yourself, even if five minutes a day, like put it this way, when you charge your phone, even five minutes is going to juice it up and you're going to get something right. And it's kind of like downloading that software from cosmic.
Kathryn Bregman (32:35)
Yeah. Yes, it's like the key, you know, it really is.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Michelle (32:59)
intelligence. And that's how I see it. It's just giving your mind, body, and soul an opportunity to download that intelligence.
Kathryn Bregman (33:09)
Absolutely. I agree 100%. I know that it's true in my own experience. And you know, when I was...
Michelle (33:15)
Most people are the people that I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I have to say this. The only people that will totally understand what I'm saying are the people who have practiced.
Kathryn Bregman (33:25)
Yeah, it's true because once you do it, it is one of those things that like you have to experience it to know. And it's not like some big secret, anyone can do it, you know? And it's really just about sitting down and I do this, you know, again with the women in the BFP because I'm like, this is what's going to help us step away from that inner chatter and all the negative voices that are telling you.
Michelle (33:48)
Mm -hmm.
Kathryn Bregman (33:50)
you waited too long, it's never gonna happen. It can happen for other people, but not for you. Whatever those voices are, this is the tool to learn that they're not you. That there's some other part of you that is more authentic, that's connected to your real truth, which is that you know in your heart, you are meant to be a mom. And that that baby is calling you. And that's why you're even.
Michelle (33:55)
Mm -hmm.
Yes.
Kathryn Bregman (34:17)
going through all this stuff to begin with because it's meant for you. But all of those voices in your head are gonna take over unless you learn to connect and listen to the softer, more still voice within. And I'll just say too, I think that that five minutes a day is so key because we often make it really complicated and like, well, how, I can't do that, other people can do that, yeah, or.
Michelle (34:21)
Right.
All or nothing.
Kathryn Bregman (34:45)
Well, my voice was going the whole time, so what was the point? But, you know, I always tell people, like, if your voice is going the whole time that you're breathing mindfully and you became aware of the fact that your voice was going the whole time, you just separated yourself from that voice. Like, that is the point. The point is to see it.
Michelle (35:00)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm. Right, right. It's not to stop the thoughts, but it's to watch it, to become aware.
Kathryn Bregman (35:09)
Right. Yeah. Yes, to become aware of it. And I studied my coaching, my coaching background. I trained with Marianne Williamson and she, she's amazing. And that was a life -changing experience. And I really take to heart. She always said five minutes a day, five minutes a day is all you need. You know, so I'm like, okay, I can say it with confidence because that's what I've been taught, you know, and I know from myself, it's true.
Michelle (35:21)
It's so awesome. Yeah.
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Yep. Yeah. yeah. And I actually sometimes I'll even say start with two minutes a day. Because if you repeat that, if you repeat that in the beginning, then you're like, OK, your mind accepts the fact that this is part of your practice. And then naturally, you're going to want to extend it. You're going to be like, OK, this is too little. Let me just do a little more. And then you'll you'll find that you're you know, you're almost like, you know how they say, like, if you don't drink a lot of water, you sort of suppress that thirst.
Kathryn Bregman (35:43)
Yeah. Yup.
Yes. Yeah.
Michelle (36:06)
And then you don't feel thirsty anymore. And then the more you start drinking water, the more you awaken that thirst. It's the same thing with meditation. And meditation is for everybody. We are wired to do it just like we are all wired to sleep. We are all wired to pee and poop and eat. And, you know, it's like part of, it's just part of what resonates and works with us as humans.
Kathryn Bregman (36:12)
Yes. Love.
Yep, absolutely, absolutely.
Michelle (36:32)
And so what words of wisdom or tips would you give people who really are finding themselves lost? And we've all been there. We've all been there with different things and different times of our life where we get so sucked into how we're feeling and the emotions can be so hard to remove yourself from. So if somebody's really going through it right now or just like coming back from the doctor and getting bad news and really getting in their heads, what advice would you give them?
Kathryn Bregman (37:01)
That's a good question. I would say that...
If you look to examples of women who have defied statistics, beaten the odds that they were given, who've become pregnant despite their struggles, know that they are not any different from you. You have the same capacity within yourself to bring home your baby.
And if you trust the inner wisdom within you, which may sound elusive or confusing, but take it in small steps, one baby step at a time, you will get there. You absolutely, 100 % will get there.
Michelle (37:49)
Amazing. Those are powerful words, Catherine. So for people who would like to work with you, like what do you offer and how can they reach you?
Kathryn Bregman (37:59)
Yeah, absolutely. The best way to reach out to me is actually to find me on Instagram at Badass Fertility. It's my handle, so. Badass Fertility, thank you. And you can always DM me directly. I'm on there all the time and love to go back and forth. I have a podcast, the Badass Fertility podcast. So if you like listening today, that's a great way to hear me weekly. And then I run group programs for women who.
Michelle (38:08)
I love that.
Kathryn Bregman (38:28)
who can come together. And a lot of the tools that I'm talking about here, we use in a variety of contexts. And I also work with women one -on -one. So if you are interested in either of those options, you can always reach out to me on Instagram for information or go to my website, badassfertility .com.
Michelle (38:48)
Awesome. And I will have all of these links in the episode notes if anybody wants to find Catherine, I love talking to you. I felt like that the first time we talked, you're you are a badass woman, a badass coach, and I'm so happy we connected. Thank you so much for coming on today.
Kathryn Bregman (39:05)
Me too. Thank you so much. I love all the work that you do. I just, I love your book, by the way. Amazing, amazing book. It's such a gift to the world. So thank you. It's an honor to be here today.
Michelle (39:12)
thank you.